tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758312595046688212.post3385805803164513986..comments2022-07-02T08:43:59.732-07:00Comments on ES2007s: On my way to communicate professionally!: Blog Post #3Jie Yinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01646951176050046586noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758312595046688212.post-90059196987012785432013-03-03T09:47:41.983-08:002013-03-03T09:47:41.983-08:00Hello Hiranya,
Thank you for pointing out how I c...Hello Hiranya,<br /><br />Thank you for pointing out how I can better improve my letter! Indeed, I really serious about this job posting!<br /><br />All the best to you internship application too!Jie Yinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01646951176050046586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758312595046688212.post-35289691331445931942013-03-03T09:45:36.537-08:002013-03-03T09:45:36.537-08:00Hey Wei Zhe! Thank you for the constructive feedba...Hey Wei Zhe! Thank you for the constructive feedbacka and pointing out how my letter lacked at relating back to the program and how I can contribute to the company! These are definitely essential!<br /><br />Hope you are able to work towards you dream career in these two years before your graduation! :)Jie Yinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01646951176050046586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758312595046688212.post-41312890088486566992013-03-02T09:23:47.695-08:002013-03-02T09:23:47.695-08:00Hello Jie Ying,
You interest in this job is evide...Hello Jie Ying,<br /><br />You interest in this job is evident, and you make it clear that you are one of those who know what the company is about, and is serious about it. You show variety in sentence structures, which makes reading a pleasure. <br /><br />I also like your persuasive style, especially when you linked the qualities to show how you can be an asset to them. As for suggestions, perhaps you can work on being more concise, as Peter mentioned, by reducing the description in your 3rd paragraph, and keeping the focus on how the skills and your personality, would be an advantage to them.<br /><br />In all, I enjoyed your letter, and I would be very impressed reading it. All the best!Dayal_92https://www.blogger.com/profile/05033085724856176200noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2758312595046688212.post-67067959922546207092013-02-28T18:48:36.675-08:002013-02-28T18:48:36.675-08:00Hi jieying!
I enjoyed reading your cover letter a...Hi jieying!<br /><br />I enjoyed reading your cover letter and I liked how you closely related your letter to your knowledge of the job posting. However, I have several tips for improvement that you might want toconsider.<br /><br />Firstly, you might want to be more specific on exactly how you can relate to the program (1st paragraph), and how you can contribute to the company (4th paragraph). To do that, you might want to focus on one of the points, and elaborate on it to make it less vague, and more convincing.<br /><br />Secondly, certain passive phrases in your letter can be improved on, to promote a more proactive impression of you. For example, "assuming the role of account manager" should be rephrased to "AS the account manager", and "tasked to liaise" should be changed simply to "liaised". <br /><br />Overall, I will suggest being more concise and specific in your letter! Nevertheless, good job on the cover letter! weizhehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10852290859759462863noreply@blogger.com